The Link Between Over-Giving and Self-Worth: Receiving Love
Humans are a naturally giving species—because the human body is designed, created,
and wired to love—giving and being of service to others is highly recommended and helps the giver feel good, too.
With that said, there must be balance. When the scales tip and you continually give— whether you give energy, love, or material possessions, you leave little room to receive—to receive love. The importance here is to understand why the scales tip in the first place.
Psychologically, people who have experienced childhood trauma—trauma doesn't necessarily infer physical abuse; trauma can be mental abuse or emotional neglect—operate from trauma responses, such as low self-worth.
Low self-worth caused by childhood trauma and neglect is the leading cause of many adult psychological issues. For example, a child who was emotionally neglected or never given any love will seek attention in other ways, often detrimental. That child may be self-sabotaging, an overachieving perfectionist, an attention seeker, or, more relevantly, an over-giver. The child learns that giving is the only way to receive love, so he will give everything he has to past the point of exhaustion and depletion. When a person is an over-giver, he is also easily taken advantage of.
He knows no other way and will continue being an over-giver unless he does the inner work and embarks on his healing journey.
Energy is supposed to be an exchange: you give energy and take energy, ideally at equal parts. From an energetic level, when you are in a constant giving energy dynamic, you leave little to no room to receive, which creates energetic blockages.
Blockages and trauma responses may include:
Abundance blocks because you cannot receive, which also causes financial issues (financial blocks).
Receiving compliments may be an issue for you.
Low self-worth because subconsciously, you believe you aren't worthy to receive love.
Self-sabotage because, again, you believe you aren't worthy to receive love.
When you have an off day, you may punish yourself by excessive drinking or drug-taking, eating food you know isn't good for you, watching porn, sleeping around, or partaking in an activity or thought form that punishes yourself at a subconscious level.
You may go all out celebrating others but don't allow others to celebrate you (for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.).
You may lose interest in a romantic prospect when they show interest in you because, subconsciously, you believe you don't deserve their love.
You continually give, even if you're exhausted or broke.
For the most part, you may not be financially wealthy because you subconsciously believe you don't deserve wealth. When you come into financial gain, it's temporary—you may get rid of it quickly by spending it just as fast as it came in. Or, you give it away because you believe other people deserve it more than you.
Escapism—this is a very broad term, but you may prefer escaping your reality frequently because your inner child doesn't feel safe, supported, or seen.
Staying in one-sided relationships and friendships because you're used to over-giving and don't know your true worth.
Believing certain people are too good for you because of low self-worth.
No or weak boundaries because you're in constant giving with no receiving.
Attracted to or need drama in your relationships because you don't feel worthy of happiness and peace, and you subconsciously can't receive love.
These are just a few examples of what not being able to receive love can result from. But there are ways to heal through inner child healing and, for many, ancestral and generational healing. For many of my clients, the simple revelation of not being able to receive love was the catalyst in their healing journey. Once aware of it, they were able to revisit their childhoods and understand where, when and why they couldn't receive love, which allowed them to heal and remove that blockage.
It is a prevalent theme that humans find it easier to give and find it harder to receive. If this is you, go back to your childhood and understand what caused this thought form and behavioral pattern. And remember, your parents mostly likely mimicked their own childhood and knew no better.
In my work, I see that this generation is breaking and healing generational trauma—this isn't an easy task; please always go easy on yourself—love unconditionally, receive love unconditionally, and turn that love back towards yourself, too.